Perception is reality or so I've been told...

I came to the conclusion a few years ago that I perceive WAY too much. It's like being on hyperdrive all the time. For many years, I would lie awake at night going over the day, the week, the month, the year. I would try to recall things that were said...was it about me? I wondered if this was everyone's reality.

I cry...often. I laugh hard...often. I get angry...easily. I'm overwhelmed daily by something I perceive. I get my feelings hurt easily. I've spent a lot of time trying to medicate these perceptions. I've spent time ignoring these perceptions.

I'm trying to accept me and my inner clock work. My over-perceptive mind allows me to soar to unimaginable heights. But I then look for that feeling all the time and I expect people to also reach for that. The beauty that lives in my mind doesn't exist for everyone. It's difficult to express and I am often frustrated when trying to verbalize what I visualize. For example, I can see, taste, smell, hear and touch what a song should be. I lose sight of the fact that not all people can do this. I get impatient. I often forget that people were patient, are patient with me.

I'm working this out. I am praying for a patient heart. I ask God twice, sometimes thrice daily to give me a patient heart...with my children, with my family, with my friends...maybe their perceptions are damaged by something I've said or done. I will be exploring new ways of expressing my vision...this being one. Thank you for your patience. :)

A brother and sister

There are some things I just accept about Tyler. It's not that I limit him, I just accept he may never do certain things. I THOUGHT one of those things was riding a bike. He's had his own bike for many years. He's only been on it once. It was just too much risk in his eyes. However, this weekend, I guess he got tired of watching from the sidelines. He was careful and apprehensive at first. He wouldn't peddle...just sort of propelled himself slowly with his feet. He caught me watching once and beamed proudly. A little while later, my youngest princess burst in the door, "MOM, MOM....COME OUTSIDE!!!! Tyler is riding his bike!" I dashed outside and sure enough he was peddling down the middle of the street, pleased as punch. My oldest daughter saw the tears well up in my eyes. She came over and told me it was little bit who had taught him to ride. She patiently explained how he should peddle and advised that he should hold on and it wasn't scary at all. This shot right to my heart. My husband and I have always had a theory that little one was sent here especially for Ty. Saturday was an example of why we feel that way. Although they bicker like all brothers and sisters, Little sister can reach him when no one else can.

Southwest Couscous Thornton Style

This is something I just threw together one night but we LOVED it! (with or without meat...equally yummy)

6 boneless chicken breasts
one white onion chopped
2 tablespoons minced garlic
cumin to taste
oregano to taste
salt and pepper to taste
one large can of black beans
2 cans white shoe peg corn
2 small cans of chopped hatch green chilis
1 cup of cous cous prepared
greek yogurt
shredded cheese
salsa

cube chicken and saute with onion and garlic, add seasonings, add green chilis, beans and shoe peg corn. prepare couscous separately according to directions (I prepare mine in veggie broth instead of water for added flavor). Throw the couscous in the pot and mix it all together. We top ours off with shredded cheese, a dollop of greek yogurt and some peach mango salsa. We all loved it except for Tyler who doesn't like ANYTHING! :)

There's a hole in the bottom of the sea...

Today, there's a hole in the bottom of the sea. Waves crash and the tide pulls me under. Tomorrow, I hope the sun is shining.

Just one more mile in the journey...

I know my family has so much to be thankful for. My husband and I look at Tyler sometimes and look at one another, smile and shrug. We know we're lucky. We know he's been blessed. When we had to take Tyler to the neurologist I saw little ones who weren't very lucky and who will have very difficult health matters to struggle with.
I say all of this to remind myself to breathe and calm down. I want everything to be ok for him and for him to not have to struggle. If I could take all of that away I would. The nurse at school called today and told me Tyler didn't pass his vision or hearing screening. The principal followed that up with a call telling me they would have to put testing on hold until they rule out any problems with vision/hearing. I bit my tongue and said of course BUT that I wouldn't be happy putting his testing off for too long. I already have an eye appt scheduled for him and the ENT told me to do an ear wash and retest his hearing. I'm on top of it, but I just didn't want to hear today that Ty has MORE hurdles.
My husband is wonderful and patient and he allows me to rant and rave. Then he gently tells me what I need to hear. "Maybe some of Tyler's classroom issues are exacerbated by his vision problems and hearing problems." Of course, I'm glad they discovered this and I want to get Ty the help he needs, but I just want it all to be ok sometimes.
So, I'm praying for God to give me the right words and a patient heart as I help Ty through all of this. He's beginning to feel that he's different. He feels discouraged that it takes him longer to do schoolwork. He feels sad when he gets a failing grade on a paper. We point out all of the things he's good at and we are searching for things he likes that make him feel proud. I know that we are just scratching the surface and I'm sure there will be things that come up. I'm just praying for God to help me one of those people who can handle things, because some days I don't feel like that person at all. ~